Well, It's time to be Selfish

Okay, so just finished watching the Biggest Loser episode 3 of this season and Bob was telling one of the ladies that she needs to be selfish. If she truly loves her children, it was time to stop letting herself go because of them and be selfish because of them. I truly love my children, and I want to do what's best for them, so I've decided to start being a little selfish. I'm going to have to demand some time for myself each day to work on ME. Due to some recent medical issues/changes which I'm not at liberty (i.e. not willing) to discuss just yet, I have to take it easy somewhat, but I will continue to walk each day with or without my girls, I will continue to try to push myself to run a little longer and a little harder each day until I am physically unable to. I will continue to try to eat healthy (not counting calories) just eating less and moving more (Thanks Dawne for allowing me to apply your philosophy to my own life and for inspiring me). Until I receive further word from the Doctor tomorrow, i have no clue where this journey is going to take me. I'm just putting it all in the Lord's hands and praying for HIS guidance AND protection during this time. This is the hardest part for me, because I so often want to do things in my strength, but if I've learned anything over the past few months and experiences, it's that the Lord's will is much stronger than mine. Sometimes the Lord has to BREAK our will in order for HIS will to be done. Please pray for me, you don't have to know the situation, God knows the intentions of the heart. Thank you all who read, thank you for your continued support and encouragement, you truly are a blessing to me. I'm not giving up, I will succeed...it might take a lot longer than I originally intended, but as I said earlier, God's ways are definitely not OUR ways. Hopefully I can post tomorrow with more details, but until then, I'm lifting my prayers to the Lord that HIS will be done in my life.

When Faith is all there is

So, as I sit here, scrubbing the nail polish out of my carpet, recalling the incident that has just happened, I listen to my little girl singing "Jesus Love Me" and thanking God that she wasn't seriously injured. She hasn't quite learned that her Aunt Amanda's things are off limits. She was only playing with nail polish, but then she got it open, as she came out screaming, her daddy and I saw that she was rubbing her eye and it was all over her. I couldn't grab the bottle quick enough to get it away from her, then immediately grabbed her and sitting on the floor with her in my lap, I started flushing her eye listening to the blood curdling screams of my little girl. I just sat there and prayed that the Lord would spare her sight. I couldn't imagine that through carelessness (mine because I didn't keep a better eye on her), my little girl might be scarred for life. She seems completely fine, content playing and giggling as if nothing happened. Recalling all of this, makes me realize just how fragile life is. Even 1 small thing can cause your whole world to crumble at your feet. It's during these times of reflection that I realize just how important my health is to my family. I have to get healthy because my family needs me. My husband is teh bread winner of the family, he works 2 jobs to supply for the family. We've just added another mouth to feed when my sister-in-law moved in to go to school, but there has been no extra income to supplement for the extra mouth. The Lord is still good though, He knows what He's doing. It's best if I don't question that. I said all of that to simply say that I'm not so sure how eating healthy is going to happen with little to no money for food on a monthly basis. But, I have learned from Dawne, in "Eating Less and Moving More", that it's more about eating less and making sure you exercise more. I think I will take on this philosophy until things get a little better for us. :) Until next time.

Starting all over

Okay, so with the impending doom of weigh-in looming over my head, I've got to get back on track. Loved having my mom here and miss her like crazy, but it's time to get my feet back on the ground my head out of the clouds. I started back on eating healthier this morning. I had a bowl of multi-grain cheerios for breakfast and my usual detox of a granny smith apple and hot water with lime juice. Then, I made eggs for Bailey and Chris and I ate the tiniest piece (to make sure they tasted okay). Then for lunch, I had a ham and cheese sandwich on wheat bread with 1/2 Tbsp of mayo and exactly 11 chips (my favorite, sour cream and cheddar). So here's the low down for the day so far.

1 cup multi-grain cheerios - 110 calories

1/2 cup 2% milk - 70 calories

1 GS apple - 80 calories

1 cup hot water with lime juice - 0 calories

tiny piece of egg - 5 calories

2 slices wheat bread - 140 calories

1 slice of ham - 40 calories

1 slice of cheese - 70 calories

1/2 Tbsp mayo - 45 calories

11 chips - 160 calories

running total thus far = 720 calories.

I really need to stop drinking the diet sodas and get back to drinking more water, but we bought equal amounts of regular and diet sodas while mom was here, and of course, there are still 4 cases of diet soda. It's so much easier to grab a can and pop it open then it is to grab a glass, put ice in the glass, pull the water out of the fridge, pour the water into the glass, put the water back, then worry that the girls will spill it because it's wide open. I need to get over it and just do it. :) Well, here's to the rest of the day...I'm really hungry, so watching what I eat has already been a struggle for me today. Just hoping I can choose healthy snacks.

Bad time to start a blog.

Okay, so I'll tell you that it's not a good time to start a blog when you're having company. I started my blog right after my in-laws left and right before my mom came into town for 2 weeks. Both, in and of themselves, not bad things, but right after my in-laws left, we had no money to buy groceries (healthy foods), and when my mother got here, she likes to spoil us rotten because we live so far away and she only gets once or twice a year to do this for us. So, I haven't been eating right...at all, and I have weigh in tonight...so don't want to see what I've gained. I've probably gained back everything, plus some, but I will step on the scale with my head held high and see where I need to make corrections. I think we'll eat a few more "comfort foods" and then bad to the healthy stuff. I have to have my fried pickles and jalapenos while my mom is in town, so once I get that, I'll do better. LOL Vallarta has a great sale on their apples for tomorrow only. You can get washington red apples or granny smith apples 3 pounds for $1.00, so we're gonna go buy them out. LOL Anyway, just thought I'd update since it's been a few days. Hope to have good news tonight, but not expecting anything great. :)

My Mom's Here!!!

So, there isn't much to say today. I was bad...not bad as in ate a bunch of stuff I shouldn't eat...bad in, I didn't eat hardly at all today. I didn't eat breakfast this morning, then for lunch we had a married student's fellowship at the school. I ate a sub sandwich, a bag of harvest cheddar sunchips, 2 glasses of sweet tea, a chocolate chip cookie, and 2 white chocolate macadamia (sp?) nut cookies. Then I got home and made Bailey a corn dog...she didn't eat it and I didn't want it going to waste, so I ate it...that was at about 5:00. Mandy made meatloaf for dinner and it wasn't ready before I left to get my mom from the airport, so it turned out to be a good thing that I ate the corn dog. When I got home from picking my mom up, she had all kinds of goodies, I ate a few gummy bears, a piece of salt water taffy and then I had a piece of meatloaf and a small bag of chips. Lots of water and a little bit of coffee (on the way to get my mom). All in all, not too bad of a day, just need to make sure I eat more meals tomorrow...My little girl is sick, however, so no church for me tomorrow. Both my girls have fever and Bailey is puking. Ugh! Hope all is well. :)

The Day After!

So, on this, the day after my darling's birthday, I'm back at it. I started this morning with my detox, my devotions and Bible reading. Then, I had a ham sandwich, and a 30 minute walk with plenty of water to drink. Haven't done much else today except 1 load of dishes...there are more waiting for me when I'm ready to get up and do them. I think the family is going to go for a swim here in a bit...more exercise? I sure hope so. :)

1 cup hot water with lime juice = 0 calories

1 GS apple = 80 calories

snack: 6 cheeseballs = 24 calories

3 pretzels and 1/2 slice of cheese = 50 calories

1 ham sandwich = 180 calories

so, at 1:40 today, I have had a total of 344 calories...I think I'll treat myself with a 180 calorie snack...yummmm brownie! :)

okay, so I went for a healthier choice...instead of the brownie, I had a piece of wheat bread with a tablespoon of peanut butter for a total of 165 calories. Then we went down to the pool and spent about an hour and a half there. I came home and had my brownie then. Why do I do this to myself? Oh well, I'll just make sure I don't go over my calories for the day regardless of the brownie I ate. :) Here's to being good the rest of the day!

okay, so for the rest of the day...we went swimming and when I came home, I was starving, so I ate a serving of cheeseballs for 130 calories, I had another brownie for 180 calories. Then a wonderful friend made us the most wonderful meal, chicken, seasoned with mrs. dash, brown rice, yummy broccoli and cauliflower...one of my favorites, and some soup. It was delish...thanks Adrienne, you are the best!!! Not sure how many calories that was, but it was healthy, which makes it better than counting calories in my book. then, to top it off, I had 1/2 cup of chocolate brownie ice cream. I feel good...got a lot of exercise in today and tried to watch what I ate. Tomorrow is a different story. Have a married student's fellowship for lunch, then my mom comes in at 7:30 tomorrow evening. Can't wait to see my mommy!!! Hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow. :)

Not sure what my ending calories were, but I'm sure I finished within my allotted 1500 calories.

Happy Birthday Bailey

It's almost midnight which means my baby girl's birthday will officially be over and I'll be back to my diet. I definitely did exactly what I didn't want to do. My hubby left this morning to go get a car part for my sister-in-law's car and came back with a present for Bailey, hamburger meat, chips (my favorite kind in the world), cheddar bacon cheese slices...ugh, it was a fat girl's paradise. I made Bailey her very first princess barbie cake...she loved it, and it just happened to be my favorite, strawberry cake with cream cheese frosting (her pick too :). Then to top it off, I had another brownie that I made yesterday with chocolate brownie frosting. How's that for a fat girl. LOL Oh well, no more, I'm going to go back on my diet and stick to it as best as I can. (It will be tough right now, especially since we've spent everything we have and some of our bills aren't even paid yet...so no money to buy food). I guess this is where Faith in God comes into play...big time. God, please provide as only you can.

I try not to worry (because that leads to emotional eating), but I just have to say, my mom comes into town on Saturday and I have no clue where the gas money is going to come from in order to drive all the way to LA to pick her up and get her back here. Chris doesn't get paid til next Thursday, and unfortunately, it's already spent (we have to catch up on the bills and then pay our rent). I know that the Lord will provide, I just don't care for the waiting part. :)

Well, here's to one of the last days of eating like a fat girl. :) I'm looking UP and looking through skinny glasses. Back to healthy eating tomorrow. Night all!